Dear Friends!
In a current article YOU are going to learn all about relationship guidelines, in particular:
➢What are the bases in a relationship,
➢WHAT ARE the MAIN relationship rules
➢How to get conflicts resolved and to strengthen your relationship
➢Why do people make poor relationship choices? e.t.c..
➢All those knowledge will give you an understanding of what makes your relationship last and why you shouldn’t give up on your relationships even when it’s difficult. The relationship rules you have for yourself and your partner today- will determine how you create and maintain your relationship tomorrow.
According to our survey, there are more then 5.6 million people looking for proper relationship guidelines every day but can not find enough information to implement into their life..
We did our best to share all about MAIN relationship rules, bases in a relationship as well as how to find the best solutions to get conflicts resolved.
The article is written by one of our Team’s Member – Jane Lin, PhD
Jane has two private practices and a very passionate about relationship guidelines. She completed her PhD in clinical psychology from the University of Toronto. She is a Clinical Fellow in Forensic Psychology and Neuropsychology at Sunnybrook Hospital in Toronto. She specializes in psychological assessment, trauma, and forensic psychology, and she has published numerous academic papers and book chapters.
Contents
WHAT ARE THE bases in a relationship
This section we will devote to the differences you may have between each other!
In a relationship, two individuals of opposite sex get together and share a common view on the world. But then they come across different opinions on certain topics- it can be an issue of disagreement. In any relationship, the partner is the one who usually takes charge. But when 2 partners get different opinions, there is no end to the confusion. These differences can be quite a problem, but when both of partners try to make the differences go away, things get much better. There are no certainties about such matters, but it is always POSSIBLE to make new grounds.
| 1 | Different opinions:In any relationship, one needs to accept each other’s views without thinking about what they are or what they mean. There are many reasons that two individuals may differ from each other. It can be the different beliefs, ideologies, culture, opinions, religious, political, and economic background, but whatever the reasons are, the differences need to be considered. At times, there may be some conflict in the difference of opinion. If that happens, then it is time to discuss and then agree on what needs to be done. Some of the issues may be resolved by a small compromise that’s one of the most important bases in a relationship. |
2 | Differences in personal life/ interestsOne of the things that matter in a personal relationship is the difference of interests. If a man has a hobby of painting and a lady has a hobby of yoga, they will not be interested in each other. But you can learn more about your partner’s interests and who knows, may be one day it will became your biggest hobby also ! Hence it is always a good idea to share everything about your personal life with the partner which also includes the interests, hobbies, and values, but it should always be done in a manner that will not hurt the feelings. |
| 3 | Differences in background in terms of education and the jobThere are many different opinions that depend on the occupation and the education. If they differ on what a person should be like in the world, the result may not be an ideal relationship. In the field of financial management, the different point of view in the couple may be the different investment advice that they follow. It is always a good idea to choose the investment that will take into account the opinion of both the partners. |
| 4 | Differences in the area of money management and finances are one of the common problems in a relationshipThere may be two partners who believe in completely different ways to handle their financial matters. But there are two ways to deal with this problem. One is to follow the plan of the partner that is more acceptable to the other. The other is to come up with a plan that will be acceptable to both. |
| 5 | Differences in education and learning styles There are many different learning styles and different ways of approaching a subject that may differ in the opinion of two individuals. For example, if one partner is a visual person and the other one is a verbal person, then they may have a different approach to learning. Even if they both share the same learning style, then there are different approaches to deal with certain issues. |
| 6 | Differences in personalityWe all are made up of certain types of personality traits. The personality traits can be positive or negative. If two people have the same personality traits, then they will always be friends. But if there are any differences in the nature of the personality, then it will be hard to find a common view. A positive personality trait is the openness to ideas, which can be accepted by all people. There are many personality traits that are not accepted by all people, and there is always an open possibility of some disagreement in the opinion of two individuals. When dealing with a different point of view of the opinion of the other person, it is always better to use the skills of compromise. This is very important to get along with others. Differences in personality are hard to overcome, however that’s the bases in a relationship and you have to find the ways to learn how: Learn more about it in this article ⬇ |
WHAT ARE the MAIN relationship rules.
Next… our relationship guidelines will discover the fallowing questions ⬇
➢ Why do people make poor relationship choices?
➢ How do we prevent negative communication from causing problems?
➢ Are you willing to stop blaming your partner for why you don’t have the relationship you want?
So the MAIN relationship rules are similar to bible rules ⬇
| 1 | Don’t cheat on your Partner |
| 2 | Don’t be too jealous , Learn to trust |
| 3 | Don’t be obsessed with your partner (being her/his friend and watching her/him when she/she sleeps all the time isn’t obsessive) |
| 4 | Never discuss your partner in front of your friends or even your relatives. |
| 5 | Don’t hate your partner’s ex |
| 6 | Be forgiven, learn to forgive! |
| 7 | If you talk to your partner about his/her exes- don’t be jealous or negative |
| 8 | Respect your partner’s points of views regarding: Politics, religion, family values e.t.c. |
9 | Appreciate your relationships! Appreciate what you have…. |
10 | Don’t be sarcastic and never laugh at your partner’s weak points |
11 | Learn to apologize! Learn to resolve conflicts by all means…Find the ways to learn about it… |
12 | Remember that everyone has the right for mistake, discover your mistakes, accept it. |
12 | Don’t focus on your partner’s weaknesses, learn to admit his/her accomplishments- this is what generates respect |
14 | And remember… It’s easy to destroy, it’s easy to leave but it’s never easy to build up a new relationship So it’s always worth to make an effort to fix and save it…. |
We hope that you understand that this list may never end up, we have just described upper some of the main criteria and now let’s discuss some more painful questions such as:
How do we prevent negative communication from causing problems?
One of the main relationship rules is to desire to make your communication proper, means: to easy resolve any type of conflicts and willing to be devoted to your partner.
So our next relationship guidelines on this paragraph ( topic) are as fallows ⬇
Make up your mind to change.Don’t complain or blame others! Make your partner understand that you’re willing to take blame or to accept blame for mistakes. Give the understanding that when you try to apologize for something, you are sorry for the mistake and also sorry for making your partner feel bad for it. Make your partner understand that you are really trying to communicate to her/him that you’re making mistakes and want to apologize for them. When you make her/him feel bad – partner is likely to hold on to that feeling for a long time. |
How to apologize if you’ve made mistakes in your relationshipIt depends on what type of mistakes you’ve made. A mistake that makes you both mad (and/or) make your girlfriend or wife feel bad There’s no need to say sorry. Just go to your bestie or other friend and talk about it and try to sort it out. You can also try communicating with your partner to let her/him know that you are willing to take a certain amount of blame and make some changes in your behavior so that your partner’ll be comfortable around you again. If you continue doing the same things you are bound to continue making the same mistakes. If you decide to say you’re sorry, then you should make changes in your behavior and your choices. It’s best that you first change what you’re doing or don t do, and then you can start to communicate your true feelings and intentions. It’s very important to understand your partner’s feelings. |
Always try to Stop any negative Conversation ( or change the subject) :There are two common approaches to this question. One approach is to try and avoid negative communication. Some people believe that communication can only be positive and avoid any sort of disagreement. Other people believe that communication must be “in the moment” and is positive in one way or another. There are even some schools of thought that believe that all communication is positive. Our suggestion is to try to find a middle ground between the two extremes. I believe that both approaches to conflict resolution are necessary and I believe that it is our job as human beings to work through any conflict or problem we find. But I also know that when we get to that place, it will be at a point where compromise or consensus is the only acceptable option. |
Why is it that we are so afraid of conflict?There is one very good reason that people are afraid of conflict. Conflict requires us to face our own fears and to be open to new possibilities. Both of these things are very uncomfortable for us. We often fear that we will be wrong in our beliefs. For example, it can be difficult to stand up for a different opinion or way of doing something when we feel like our way is “the right way”. We feel as though we will be judged and that it will be difficult for us to change. We also fear change. We fear that if we do something, that something will be taken away from us. We may also fear that something will be added to us. All of these things are very stressful for us. Our fears can be triggered by our culture, our past experiences and our current situations. Our fears have become embedded into our personality. We all have fears and it is our job to understand and move past them. It is our responsibility to work through our fears and do what we need to do to find a solution. If you are currently in a trap of fairs or facing relationships difficulties – You can always apply to one of our psychologists or relationship counselors to consult you ⬇ |
Why do people make poor relationship choices?
There are many factors that can lead to problems in a relationship, and these include various things. Start by first identifying your relationship problem, and then come up with some ways to overcome it.
1. You don’t trust your partner Trust is the central element in any relationship, but in many ways the trust that we build in ourselves and others can be so fragile. The relationship between man and woman is the most powerful force in the world. It has the power to help us make decisions. It can influence how we behave and the direction our lives take. But it can also lead to our personal and professional failures. This is mainly because the lack of trust in a relationship. Man and woman lack trust because of a past. Because of mistakes made. Sometimes our partner, even unconsciously. But it happens sometimes that we have no idea that this was the wrong way. Sometimes it is a good way. Maybe in the beginning. The bottom line is simple. Ask yourself: Do you love your partner? It’s not a question of what can you do to raise trust between a man and a woman, it’s a question of do you love them? If you do love him, then you are going to find a way to raise trust between each other. |
2. Your partner has an inappropriate or dangerous interest in you. First, what is inappropriate or dangerous interest? In our recent article – Freaky couple goals– you can find more useful information about what the meaning of inappropriate or dangerous interest. Solution: Of course you ave to take care of your emotional and Physical well being. No matter what how strong feelings you have towards your partner- your duty is to avoid any type of possible abuse by all means |
3. You are not a healthy person to be in a relationship with, particularly if you are suffering from mental health issues Solution: 1. Admit that you are mentally unhealthy 2. Seek help from experts: This can be either a professional therapist or a support group that gathers people with similar problems. It is important for you not to be alone with your problems. Groups and psychologists help to open your eyes to many questions. 3. Be sure to set aside time for reading literature and trainings aimed at solving your problems. 4. Work on yourself with the help of a specialist that will help you solve your problems over time NOTE! Jumping from relationships to relationships will never solve your problem! It may seems like you will heal the pain but just for a while and with a very deceiving feeling…. SO Only recognizing your problem and search for means to heal it will help change your life script, otherwise situations in every new relationship will be repeated again and again. |
4. You are not good in bed If you are too ashamed to show your partner what a wonderful lover you are, and you do not want your partner to see how good you are at bed, this is a real problem for you. However, if you want to be in a relationship, you must learn to be sexual and to show your partner how good you are in bed. If your relationship is full of sex, then you must learn to have sex with each other and to know how to properly use your body. Also, learn about the differences between foreplay and sex, and between the different types of lovemaking. You should also learn about how to get your partner excited. |
5. You are too needyIf you are too needy in your relationship, you will constantly want your partner to be with you and around you. You will try to make your partner feel important, you will constantly seek out your partner’s attention, you will try to please him or her in every way you can, and your partner will feel over stressed and will find it hard to get on with their own life. This will only make the problem worse. |
6. You are too opinionatedIt is very difficult for people to live with someone who is constantly telling them what to do. If you have a problem with your partner because they keep telling you what to do, it is up to you to work on changing this problem. Get help with it. Learn to be more flexible and open-minded and learn to have differences of opinion without getting upset. |
7. You and your partner disagree about moneyIf you and your partner have difficulties in your relationship because of money, then you should get a plan together to sort out this problem. Find out how much money is coming into the household, and make a plan to divide it. |
If you are having trouble in your relationship, it is good to look at these potential problems and see if you recognize any of them in yourself or your partner. Then it may be time to make changes in your life.
The best way to overcome a relationship problem is to first realize that you are responsible for what happens in your life, because your actions and thoughts lead to your reality.
The best way is to address to a certified psychologist and to read proper literature about it, such as:
Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood
(It’ about many women that find themselves repeatedly drawn into unhappy and destructive relationships with men. They then struggle to make these doomed relationships work. This best-selling book takes a hard look at how powerfully addictive these unhealthy relationships are – but also gives a very specific program for recovery from the disease of loving too much.)
Learn Also: What Counter-Dependency is and it’s sighs
What you believe about yourself and your relationship is what you will project into reality. If you do not believe you are capable of being in a loving relationship, you will not attract a loving partner, and it is only when you think you are capable of being a good partner that you can find true love.
How to build up mutually beneficial relationships:
A healthy relationship is based on a mutual commitment and a desire to make each other’s lives better…
Do you and your partner have an understanding?This is one of the most important questions in a relationship. There’s nothing more frustrating and unnecessary than an unspoken agreement in a relationship. There is no “correct” answer to this question, but if you and your partner have an understanding, it’s less stressful and easier to forgive each other for mistakes and transgressions. Talk to your partner no matter what conflict you have. Give some time to calm down ( as some people need to talk immediately to dot all the and. While the other need some time to quietly think about the situation) |
Know how to communicateWhen you know how to communicate, you’re no longer relying on your partner to have a good answer to your problem. You both acknowledge and acknowledge that you and your partner have the ability to be in a healthy relationship, and you’re working to make sure that you never lose that ability again. When you know how to communicate, your conversations aren’t dominated by blame, fear and anxiety. Instead, you’re able to be honest, loving and compassionate. |
Love and connect dailyA healthy relationship is based on love and connection, and a healthy relationship does not develop from a moment of infatuation. You and your partner are trying to build a relationship from the ground up. If you love each other, you’ll connect daily and you’ll be compassionate toward each other’s needs. |
Share a commitment to a relationshipA healthy relationship starts when you realize that you and your partner have chosen to be in a relationship. You make that choice out of love. It’s a commitment, and it’s a decision to be with each other. You and your partner should both do your best to make that commitment the foundation for your relationship. You and your partner should feel like you’re a team, a band of brothers or sisters, and you’re doing it together. When you’re together, you don’t feel alone, and you’re working to make your partner feel the same way. You’re trying to make each other feel like your number one priority. This is no small thing. This is one of the things that makes your relationship special. |
Make it a priorityMaking it a priority means that you and your partner are both working toward a common goal and making a commitment to your relationship. Your partner must always be a priority # 1, kids come after.. |
Always Appreciate and admit his/her best qualities…Try to have more appreciation conversations with your partner, so he knows how valuable he is. If you don’t understand how, or why, to compliment your partner, do some research on it. There are books, videos, and even classes on it that can help. Another way to compliment your partner is to let them know how you really feel about them. Not through yelling or nagging, but honestly. Say something like, “I just love your smile today.” Take some time to have an open conversation with your partner, so you can discuss the different ways you appreciate each other. Be sure to compliment the wonderful, fantastic and unique aspects of your partner, so that he/she know what they are doing right.
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**Take time to notice your partner.**Have you ever noticed something your partner does to make you happy? A man may look at his woman and notice her long, smooth legs or the way she carries herself. He notices the way her hair falls, the way she smiles, or the way she carries herself. A woman might notice a man’s long, strong fingers or the way he moves around. If you have something to offer your partner, notice it. Give your partner a compliment about his feet or his ability to fix a car. Or, let him know how you love how his voice sounds when he talks. Make every day a compliment day. It will not only benefit your relationship, but it will also benefit your partner. |
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